SURGEON SIMULATOR: ANNIVERSARY EDITION
NSP NSSP NSP!”
What’s that Skip? Tony crashed the helicopter,
is lying bleeding in a remote gorge of the national park, has a
pointy rock wedged on an 84.7159 degree angle between his spleen and
heart and requires immediate surgery or he’ll be deader than last
“NSP NSP NSP NSP-NSP-NSP!”
OK Skip, we’ll
get your surgery gear prepped, stat...
This likely won’t mean
much to anybody who isn’t an Aussie, but way back when we had a TV
show called Skippy the Bush Kangaroo. It featured one of
the two animalistic members of our coat of arms as essentially the
marsupial equivalent of MacGyver. This ’roo could do anything, as
long as you sticky-taped the required implement to the disembodied
paw that some poor crew member had to wiggle about, clumsily
accomplishing anything from playing drums to, well, surgery.
Why do we mention this? Surgery Simulator uses much the
same idea. You have a hand/arm combination onscreen. You control it
with your controller – either by waggling or right stick, with a
couple of finger functions.
When we say “you control” we mean
it extremely loosely, for it’s a festival of abject klutzitude. Sit
on your dominant arm for several days then try to do something
precise with it and you’ll know all there is about playing SS.
Well, save for the humour, as you skillessly send surgical
implements flying all over surgery theatres equipped with machines
that go “PING!” to hallways, ambulances and, erm, space... If you
happen to complete a heart transplant, eye surgery or any other ops
then it was likely due to good luck more than good management.
It's obviously a bit of a joke that some will gel with, but many
won’t. We get the gag, but the unnecessarily shitful controls very much make us
want to gag.
NSP NSP NSP.