Aww c’mon, it’s Tetris! If we had a buck for every time we’ve
reviewed it we’d have – umm - about six bucks. Even our Mum knows
what it is!
Yep, it’s the block manipulation game with more pulling power than
Christina Hendricks naked on a V8 tractor. You likely know the story
– clever-clogs Russian geek Alexey Pajitnov creates Tetris
around 1985, it goes supernova and makes shitloads of rubles, the
Russian government goes ‘kerchingski!” and Alexey remains in
relative squalor. Well, until he moved to the US and a gig at
Microsoft. We hope he’s now rolling in cashola and nubile women with
all the vodka he can eat.
But we digress.
Right. This Tetris is basically the ‘Minis’ version for PS3/PSP
given the HD treatment (that’s ‘High-Def’, not ‘Häagen-Dasz’,
although ice cream’s possibly the only remaining Tetris-free
format), with 5.1 sound, online multiplayer and a handful of pissy
trophies mostly requiring online play. If you’re thinking “big
fucking deal” well, we hear ya.
The graphics? Snazzy, yeah, but the game plays just the same as on
the least res-tastic thing we can think of that the game ever
graced, the Commodore 64. The audio? Wow! Our ‘tetrimino’ dropped in
surround! OK, some’ll dig the online multiplayer, however it’s
clunkily implemented with the need to log into an EA account every
time you load the game. There are 12 slight variations on the
original – as in the Minis release – but none pack anywhere near the
punch that the classic game has in ‘I am the greatest’ style scads.
It’s hard to break Tetris, and this isn’t broken, just
expensive for what it is. If – and only if - you are the
person with no other Tetris in their life then this is a
necessity. Otherwise, mehski.