POSTED 16/12/14


THE CREW

Ubisoft

All roads lead to this! If you have what it takes, you can have it all!

How fast do you want it? Live life a quarter mile at a time! Feel the speed! Feel the rush! If you ain’t out of control, you ain’t in control!

OK, we’re running out of fast taglines – and furious ones, too. But that litany of marketing wank should provide an inkling as to what’s in store in this car-related excursion which believes that gluing in myriad RPG elements (save for dragons) is what petrolheads desire.

Sure, similar elements have been used before, notably in the Need for Speed series, but the campaign mode here – which must be endured to level-up your (floaty) motorised steeds so as to accomplish anything - is hackneyed, repetitive and full of flow interruptions. It’s not what racers want. Freedom and speed is.

Did somebody say hackneyed? Yeah, we did. You’re a bloke whose bro’s killed by a gangbanger (not in the biblical sense) then framed by a shonky FBI dude. So, the good FBI spring you from prison for gang infiltration and dodgy type takedown.

Yecch! Still, beyond lame story grind and flobbity vehicles there’s good in The Crew, particularly the utterly massive and gorgeous (unlike the cars – rear vision mirrors don’t even work!) map of the USA that’s been lovingly shrinkydinked to around one percent of reality, while retaining goodness like gargantuan granite heads and dinky faux pyramids.

Cruising this open America is splendid – but pointless early, as most challenges – and even sightseeing spots (your collectibles for the evening) - aren’t unlocked until... lame story.

It’s also an MMO of sorts, meaning staying connected. Meaning real world dipsticks invade. But hey, that’s encouraged, as you’re supposed to form your own crew. It’s the title, sure, but meh.

Ambition is admirable, and The Crew’s ambitious. It just needed more fast and less furious.

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