THE LAST OF US
10 Affecting, breathtaking,
climactic, electrifying, emotional, expressive, impressive,
melodramatic, powerful, sensational, startling, striking,
suspenseful, taut, tense, theatrical, thrilling, tragic...
Now that our trusty thesaurus has neatly and most adjectively
summarised The Last of Us,
can we bugger off pub-wards?
30 Oh, alright. We’ll stick
around for another 260 words or so.
40 The latest from the
Uncharted people, Naughty
Dog, who are probably sick of being called “the
TLoU has guns, greenery and facial
hair, but it’s different. Honest! For starters, there’re future
zombies. Well, they’re “infected”, but rather than being related to
The The, they’re ex-humans. They done got sick and reverted to
brainless, survival-at-all-costs mentalities. “Reality” TV will do
that – take heed now!
50 You control non-infected GI
Joe-lookalike Joel. Erm, so GI Joel then – but low GI, as he’s
really more Action Man. Anyway, non-spoileriffic nutshellically,
he’s tasked with getting Juno to safety – meaning away from army men
and various infectededs, including ‘clickers’, who are right
bastards to eradicate. Well, until you discover the beauty of the
crafted Molotov cocktail...
comparisons are inevitable, and we’re creatures of inevitability.
Still, key differences make TLoU
a different experience. It packs serious emotional walloptitude, has
the sparsest yet most effective score since the last game that
didn’t add music to every bloody tiptoe and it demands serious
strategizing. You may amass weapons, but things that propel all
bangily from within them are scarce. Shoot that mutie, or go all
sneak-sneak-sneak and shiv the fucker? Slink patiently past boxes as
army men hunt you like you’re Bugs Bunny and they’ve gone Fudd, or
just shoot ’em?
70 While there’s a veneer of explorational
freedom, it’s deceptive, as all roads lead where the game wants you.
QTE door opening? Yawn!
Meanwhile, invisible walls annoy. If we wanna walk off a cliff we
should bloody well be able to!
80 GOTO 10