POSTED 24/6/13


THE LAST OF US

Naughty Dog/Sony
PS3

10 Affecting, breathtaking, climactic, electrifying, emotional, expressive, impressive, melodramatic, powerful, sensational, startling, striking, suspenseful, taut, tense, theatrical, thrilling, tragic...

20 Now that our trusty thesaurus has neatly and most adjectively summarised The Last of Us, can we bugger off pub-wards?

30 Oh, alright. We’ll stick around for another 260 words or so.

40 The latest from the Uncharted people, Naughty Dog, who are probably sick of being called “the Uncharted people”, TLoU has guns, greenery and facial hair, but it’s different. Honest! For starters, there’re future zombies. Well, they’re “infected”, but rather than being related to The The, they’re ex-humans. They done got sick and reverted to brainless, survival-at-all-costs mentalities. “Reality” TV will do that – take heed now!

50 You control non-infected GI Joe-lookalike Joel. Erm, so GI Joel then – but low GI, as he’s really more Action Man. Anyway, non-spoileriffic nutshellically, he’s tasked with getting Juno to safety – meaning away from army men and various infectededs, including ‘clickers’, who are right bastards to eradicate. Well, until you discover the beauty of the crafted Molotov cocktail...

60 Uncharted comparisons are inevitable, and we’re creatures of inevitability. Still, key differences make TLoU a different experience. It packs serious emotional walloptitude, has the sparsest yet most effective score since the last game that didn’t add music to every bloody tiptoe and it demands serious strategizing. You may amass weapons, but things that propel all bangily from within them are scarce. Shoot that mutie, or go all sneak-sneak-sneak and shiv the fucker? Slink patiently past boxes as army men hunt you like you’re Bugs Bunny and they’ve gone Fudd, or just shoot ’em?

70 While there’s a veneer of explorational freedom, it’s deceptive, as all roads lead where the game wants you. QTE door opening? Yawn! Meanwhile, invisible walls annoy. If we wanna walk off a cliff we should bloody well be able to!

80 GOTO 10

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