TIME MACHINE: ROGUE PILOT
There’s a time
machine, see? It travels through time, see? From the Stone Age to
the future, see? It’s really amazing, see? Actually, what we see is
just another match three game...
Yep, Columns, Bejeweled
– you likely know the types - but given a retro-futuristic look, and
a rather loopy plot trying to tie together that and a sticky-taped
on ‘spot the anachronism’ game that makes Battlefield Earth
seem logical. Well, not really, as we still can’t work out all those
massive snotty-gobble dribbling aliens on jaunty Batman angles, but
it’s pretty nutty.
You nab jewels within jewels from matching three or more same colour
jewely things via laser cannon blasts, as Ilona (who looks like the
tall chick from Shakespears Sister) watches on with disdain. Well,
until you start bagging the bling and she perks up. Materialistic
bitch! Accumulate enough shininess and you advance, where you do the
same again, but with added impediments like unboomable objects. Then
you get to the mini-game bit, where stuff that doesn’t belong to the
time period you’re in is scattered about a landscape, and you have
to crosshair it into oblivion. Basically it’s Where’s Wally,
without the natty striped top.
You can score bonus stuff that wreaks extra havoc on your gemular
grid if you score enough – lightning, bombs and such – which can
make for some nice screen-clearing, earth-shattering KABOOMs, but
when they do go off you’ll quite possibly have NFI why. Shit just
seems to happen via rapid-fire cascade that you never feel
particularly in control of.
Despite 36 gem levels, value-adding bonus modes and two-player
options, the appallingly named Time Machine: Rogue Pilot
lacks the sort of drug-like ‘just one more’ pull of the likes of
Bejeweled. But it’s still fuck-tonnes better than Battlefield