TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, Wii, 3DS, DS)
The last time
we reviewed a Transformers game we were left floundering like a
flounder out of batter. MMMmmm... cricket. What? Oh, right. So
anyway, we’re now making up for that lowlight via a super-special
world exclusive event* – the first ever transforming games review*!
But first, some blahedy-blah to distract you from skipping straight
to our jaw-dropping, skull-scalloping world exclusive*...
That last time we had
no knowledge of the boy-toy phenomenon, save for an ability to
flippity-floddop from doing the robot to doing the truck, car, Dyson
– whatever. So, this time we thought we’d be prepared and, as we did
with stuff like Bakugan and
bring kids in to lend a knowledgeable air to proceedings.
Unfortunately – at least for the sake of informed reviewage - the
only young boy available was little James S. He’s the awesomest
munchkin ever, but he’s only five weeks old; his hands are too
widdle to gwasp a contwolly-wolly and he was too busy emitting Mr
Snuffleupagus-like snortles from sleepybobos land to concentrate.
So, you’re stuck with us. But the payoff’s coming. Woo!
A prequel to the identically awkwardly-named film, Transformers:
Dark of the Moon is basically the last game,
Transformers: War for
Cybertron – tromp about cruisin’ for a robo-bruisin’ - save
for two main distinctions. This one’s a film tie-in, and there’s
super-funky new inbetweener ‘stealth force’ abilities. Say you’re
the yellow car and you dig the speedy movement but crave serious
firepower. You can partway transform, keeping up velocitationality
whilst whomping those Decepticon suckers all to robot hell.
Ultimately, diehards’ll dig, but if you’re just greasing your toes
in the world of Rubik’s-like robots then grab the last one.
Now, the payoff –
to activate the world’s first ever transforming games review*!
Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah!
* Possibly complete bullshit.