POSTED 3/9/12


TRANSFORMERS: FALL OF CYBERTRON

Activision
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Despite the pig-ignorant assumption by many that videogames are exclusively a boy thing, we’re girlie. Transformers is totally a boy thing though, so in an effort to write about what we know we’re substituting Strawberry Shortcakeiverse stuff for all references to those robotic thingummies...

So, opt for single playerishness and you’ll become any of several beloved characters like Cherry Cuddler or Raspberry Tart. In classic third-personiscuitiness, the war of Shortcake versus the Purple Pieman will see you run, dash, shoot (ooh, that’s not very nice!) and transform... CRUCK! Oh shit. We just busted Raspberry’s arm off. PLOCK! Oops, there goes her leg. Hmm, better stick to the script.

OK, so you might be a robot-cum-vehicle or whatnot, like the sweetly named Bumblebee or Optimus Prime (who sounds like an accountancy firm, but is actually a kind of big boss groovy bot). But fans know this.

We don’t need to be intimate with every rivet to know a funktabular game when we play one. The aforementioned run, dash, shoot and transform mechanics work well – and no home team arms or legs suffer for it. Driving controls are a touch flouncy, but getting to go turretational and rain bullety Autobotic carnage-doom upon nasty-pastie Decepticons, who’ve basically fucked yo’ planet Cybertron for good, feels kinda sweet – as in fun, not Ms Shortcake’s fruity fragrance.

Adding to what’s often wonderfully frenetic action – if sometimes too handholdy, as cute and cuddly as that can be - is the fantabulously movietastic atmosphere. Seriously, if Jimbo Cameron plopped his arse down beside you and commenced yabbering feverishly about Kate Winslet naked in a yellow bathysphere it couldn’t be more cinematic.

Ginger Snapping pointwards, upgradeable shooty things, ace multiplayer and ability to construct most any robotic thing imaginable (although pink bits are scarce, sorry Strawbs) make this funnerer than a bake-off in Big Apple City.

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