TRANSFORMERS: FALL OF CYBERTRON
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
Despite the pig-ignorant assumption by many that videogames are
exclusively a boy thing, we’re girlie. Transformers is
totally a boy thing though, so in an effort to write about what we
know we’re substituting Strawberry Shortcakeiverse stuff for all
references to those robotic thingummies...
So, opt for single playerishness and you’ll become any of several
beloved characters like Cherry Cuddler or Raspberry Tart. In classic
third-personiscuitiness, the war of Shortcake versus the Purple
Pieman will see you run, dash, shoot (ooh, that’s not very nice!)
and transform... CRUCK! Oh shit. We just busted Raspberry’s arm off.
PLOCK! Oops, there goes her leg. Hmm, better stick to the script.
OK, so you might be a robot-cum-vehicle or whatnot, like the sweetly
named Bumblebee or Optimus Prime (who sounds like an accountancy
firm, but is actually a kind of big boss groovy bot). But fans know
We don’t need to be intimate with every rivet to know a funktabular
game when we play one. The aforementioned run, dash, shoot and
transform mechanics work well – and no home team arms or legs suffer
for it. Driving controls are a touch flouncy, but getting to go
turretational and rain bullety Autobotic carnage-doom upon nasty-pastie
Decepticons, who’ve basically fucked yo’ planet Cybertron for good,
feels kinda sweet – as in fun, not Ms Shortcake’s fruity fragrance.
Adding to what’s often wonderfully frenetic action – if sometimes
too handholdy, as cute and cuddly as that can be - is the
fantabulously movietastic atmosphere. Seriously, if Jimbo Cameron
plopped his arse down beside you and commenced yabbering feverishly
about Kate Winslet naked in a yellow bathysphere it couldn’t be more
Ginger Snapping pointwards, upgradeable shooty things, ace
multiplayer and ability to construct most any robotic thing
imaginable (although pink bits are scarce, sorry Strawbs) make this
funnerer than a bake-off in Big Apple City.