review
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POSTED 1/7/11


UFC PERSONAL TRAINER

THQ



We don’t want to sound paranoid or anything, but we’re convinced THQ’s trying to kill us...

Just before our UFC Personal Trainer rocked up, we received an email setting out a walkthrough they recommended as a minimum. Minimum! We tackled it, and are now huffa-puffin’ more than Meat Loaf after a third encore. Yep, they want us dead.

OK, so we’re piss-weak... much like your usual fitness ‘game’ fare. Ah, but there’s none of that namby-pamby leotardy, sweatband-adorned, patchouli and mungbeans-reeking bullshit here, this fucker’s mean. It’s a fitness trainer that feels like a game – possibly just what’s needed to have it stick for more than a few days before ennui strikes and you’re back in the loving arms of beer, pizza and couch.

Think most anything mixed martial arts and you can do it; punching, kicking, bending, stretching (reaching for sky, standing on tippy-toes oh so high), all overseen by actual UFC trainers such as Mark Delagrotte, Greg Jackson and Javier Mendez – names that’ll mean something other than ‘fnuh?’ to aficionados.

Kinect implementation’s superb. Rather than faffing about for eons, it just works straight up. Whether you’re kicking, punching or writhing about the floor in abject pain, there’s no escaping its beady laser. Menus work too – it ALL just works. Better than our feeble body that’s screaming whilst oozing sweat keyboardwards. BZZITTT! Uh-oh...

The whole shebang’s refreshingly programmable. You can tackle one-off routines, string several together and even undergo the agony of 30 or 60 day programmes. If we weren’t Aussies we could also use voice control – get your shit together Microsoft, our accent’s not that fargin’ unentllgble.

FZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT! Erm, we’d better piss off before the keyboard blows. After fitness training that’ll keep you interested and isn’t softcock? Well, this is really impressive shit. FIZZABIZZAZZZZZT! OW! CLUNK! ERFFfffffffffffffffffffff.

take me back to the start...

 



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