VIRTUA FIGHTER 5: FINAL SHOWDOWN
we familiar with karate? Are you kidding?! Why, karate happens to be
one of our favourite hobbies. Why, with one perfectly timed chop of
our hand we can break eight boards this thick. Would you believe it?
What, you find that very difficult to believe?
Would you believe seven?
Erm, how about a loaf of bread?
That’s us in most fighters – superiorly confident, but unable to
deliver. Arms and legs flailing flashily, but failing to make the
slightest dent upon opponents before they let loose one inscrutable
attack and we’re rendered a twisted katamari of limbs crying for our
So, imagine our surprise when we fired-up this remix of the last big
VF release, studiously stabbed at various buttons and
actually karate chopped opponents into submission. You wanna be in
my ring? Not today sunshine! Ahem. Anyway, before too long credits
rolled and it hit us (much like most of our opponents didn’t) –
here’s a fighter that even veggies like us can get some fun from.
OK, so we had it set to ‘amoeba’ difficulty, but that’s irrelevant.
Naturally there are harder difficulties – much harder difficulties.
Difficulties that are harder than Hymie’s head and over quicker than
a shoe-phone wrong number, unless you’ve some mastery of the almost
endless array of combo moves of your chosen fighter. So, everybody’s
If you already have VF5 then you’ll not find much to get all
woohoo about. As well as the old under-the-hood tweaks trick, a
couple of characters are added, with training, replays and – the
kicker (ouch) for some - eight-player online lobby thingies, where
you can unleash KAOS on dipshits the world over.
Alright, Taka-Arashi. I'm used to dealing with big ugly apes like
SCHMACK! SCHMACK! SCHMACK! KARATE CHOP! SCHMACKITY-SCHMACK!
Erm, listen Taka-Arashi, we, uh, hope we weren't out of line with
that crack about the ape...