POSTED 10/6/12


VIRTUA FIGHTER 5: FINAL SHOWDOWN

SEGA

Are we familiar with karate? Are you kidding?! Why, karate happens to be one of our favourite hobbies. Why, with one perfectly timed chop of our hand we can break eight boards this thick. Would you believe it? Eight!

What, you find that very difficult to believe?

Would you believe seven?

Erm, how about a loaf of bread?

That’s us in most fighters – superiorly confident, but unable to deliver. Arms and legs flailing flashily, but failing to make the slightest dent upon opponents before they let loose one inscrutable attack and we’re rendered a twisted katamari of limbs crying for our Dettol-toting mums.

So, imagine our surprise when we fired-up this remix of the last big VF release, studiously stabbed at various buttons and actually karate chopped opponents into submission. You wanna be in my ring? Not today sunshine! Ahem. Anyway, before too long credits rolled and it hit us (much like most of our opponents didn’t) – here’s a fighter that even veggies like us can get some fun from. OK, so we had it set to ‘amoeba’ difficulty, but that’s irrelevant.

Naturally there are harder difficulties – much harder difficulties. Difficulties that are harder than Hymie’s head and over quicker than a shoe-phone wrong number, unless you’ve some mastery of the almost endless array of combo moves of your chosen fighter. So, everybody’s catered for.

If you already have VF5 then you’ll not find much to get all woohoo about. As well as the old under-the-hood tweaks trick, a couple of characters are added, with training, replays and – the kicker (ouch) for some - eight-player online lobby thingies, where you can unleash KAOS on dipshits the world over.

Alright, Taka-Arashi. I'm used to dealing with big ugly apes like you...

SCHMACK! SCHMACK! SCHMACK! KARATE CHOP! SCHMACKITY-SCHMACK!

Erm, listen Taka-Arashi, we, uh, hope we weren't out of line with that crack about the ape...

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