WWE ALL STARS
Oh, it’s that
lovely giant man Andre – the one with a penchant for rhyme from
The Princess Bride. Ooh! There’s that delightful Mr The Rock
from that charming The Tooth Fairy movie! Look, they’re being
all friendl... oh. Oh! Erm...
That’d basically be the intro to this review if our mum was writing.
But she’s not, so we’d best pull our weight. Oof!
Stars is the kind of wrestling game many have craved for ages –
a gathering of those wonderful, upstanding young men who, when not
mauling the shit out of each other, are busy saving pandas. Or
More sensibly, WWE All Stars lets those who aren’t adept at
memorising enough button combos that you need to neck fucktonnes of
steroids to suss them actually have a chance in a decent wrestling
game. Yep, controls have been simplified – somewhat - to recall a
classic arcade feel – although there’s still a lot to memorise if
you have any intention of not sucking big fat hairy arse.
If you do manage to rein in the controls, you’ll have a blast
pitting classic stars like Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan against
modern day wonders like whatshisname and thingummydoover. It’s all
done in a wonderfully exaggerated way, so finishing moves will see
superhuman jumps and every competitor looks more akin to a Choc
Block (around two Aussies may remember them from the local milk bar)
with appendages than an actual human.
We were mega-frustrated at first upon seemingly Charlie Sheening
only to suddenly be whomped into utter knocked-outedness, but
perseverance paid off without requiring a PhD in button-pressology.
With numerous variations on wrestlingness and reward for those who
don’t “meh” at first defeat, WWE All Stars is what not-so-die
hard fans of WWE have been awaiting for years.