POSTED 1/4/11


WWE ALL STARS

THQ

Oh, it’s that lovely giant man Andre – the one with a penchant for rhyme from The Princess Bride. Ooh! There’s that delightful Mr The Rock from that charming The Tooth Fairy movie! Look, they’re being all friendl... oh. Oh! Erm...

That’d basically be the intro to this review if our mum was writing. But she’s not, so we’d best pull our weight. Oof!

WWE All Stars is the kind of wrestling game many have craved for ages – a gathering of those wonderful, upstanding young men who, when not mauling the shit out of each other, are busy saving pandas. Or something.

More sensibly, WWE All Stars lets those who aren’t adept at memorising enough button combos that you need to neck fucktonnes of steroids to suss them actually have a chance in a decent wrestling game. Yep, controls have been simplified – somewhat - to recall a classic arcade feel – although there’s still a lot to memorise if you have any intention of not sucking big fat hairy arse.

If you do manage to rein in the controls, you’ll have a blast pitting classic stars like Andre the Giant and Hulk Hogan against modern day wonders like whatshisname and thingummydoover. It’s all done in a wonderfully exaggerated way, so finishing moves will see superhuman jumps and every competitor looks more akin to a Choc Block (around two Aussies may remember them from the local milk bar) with appendages than an actual human.

We were mega-frustrated at first upon seemingly Charlie Sheening only to suddenly be whomped into utter knocked-outedness, but perseverance paid off without requiring a PhD in button-pressology.

With numerous variations on wrestlingness and reward for those who don’t “meh” at first defeat, WWE All Stars is what not-so-die hard fans of WWE have been awaiting for years.

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