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POSTED 31/3/14


YOSHI'S NEW ISLAND

Nintendo
3DS

This is our theory, which is ours. Yoshi’s the Nintendo universe equivalent of Richard Branson.

While we gratefully thank fuck that the little green dude hasn’t unleashed a chiptunes equivalent of Tubular Bells upon us, and we acknowledge that at last check he hasn’t spammed us with credit card applications, there’s one crucial crux to our thinking. Umm, he has islands.

OK, we admit that it’s scarcely the most authoritative argument to have ever graced argumentativeness – especially considering Yoshi’s lack of facial hair – but, but, but. Erm...

Why more waffle than the sum total ever consumed by Homer Simpson? Well, Yoshi’s New Island is very much like Yoshi’s old one from 1995. Even the tale’s the same. A dork stork, which delivers babies (of course – stories about them growing in mummy tummies are lies, kiddies) loses bubba Luigi to big bad Kamek, while Mario plops into the unsuspecting care of the Yoshis.

These caring, sweet, loving dinosaurical creatures – or more specifically one of them - subsequently decides to rescue the green Mario brother, while dragging the red one along on numerous perilous adventures. 10/10 for style, but minus several million for good childcare, yeah?

These quests invariably involve nefarious creatures under the employ of the clucky Kamek. From veritable blips to screen-hogging hoggy things, they’re all relatively easy to despatch. Even big bads –generally little things embiggened - are mostly easily returned to their maker. Which means Miyamoto-san has a bulgetacular letterbox...

For those who didn’t experience the original, YNI is a typically classic 2D Mario-styled platformer that tends towards the easier side of things – assuming you don’t ache for every single collectible, in which case it’s a tad bastardly.

While its lack of innovation means it’s no Never Mind the Bollocks, YNI’s still a hyper-slick and fungasmic Nintendo platformer. ‘Familiar’ should never be synonymous with ‘meh’.

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2014. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.