ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
tried it just for once, found it all right for kicks, but now you
found out that it’s a habit that sticks and you’re an organism
Officially sanctioned by Fox and all who sail in it, this is
essentially Aliens 2.5. Sounds vital, huh Aliens
fans? Meh, not so much.
The series’ antagonists are renowned as the baddest, meanest and
pus-oozingly ickiest in all of alienistic creation. Sneaky, shadowy
and decidedly more evil than an Austin Powers nemesis reunion. Here?
Meh, not so much.
What we have is a first-person shooter that, whilst bulging with
oodlesificent squeeeeeeeeees for super-fans, is dated and would be
inconsequential if not for the Aliens licence sticky-taped
on. As for its inhabitants, it’s almost as if the myriad
trundle-trundle bored now aliens and AI-challenged marines are
phoning in performances just for the shekels. Perhaps they’ll do a
Michael Caine and buy a house from the proceeds?
The story mode, playable alone or in co-op, holds similar tighty-tight
taut tension to a busted laccy band, but several multiplayer options
– including the opportunity to step into the, umm, whatever the hell
xenomorphs wear on their... uh, do they have tootsies? Look, you can
play as them, OK?
Now, choose your own adventure...
1: Somebody who doesn’t know spitters from shitters and thinks
Ripley was some bloke with a teev show about supernatural stuff?
There are much better shooters.
2: Slavering Aliens fan of bottomless wallet? Bought every
collectible statue and prop replica? Have all the myriad collectible
DVD and Blu-ray sets? You may as well get this too.
3: Aliens aficionado who’s a smidge more discerning? After
waiting so long you’re liable to be bummed, but with so much
dedicated fan service going on curiosity’s understandable. Much like
a mosquito flirting with a bug zapper before FIZZI-ZOT!