POSTED 13/2/13


ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES

SEGA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Well you’ve tried it just for once, found it all right for kicks, but now you found out that it’s a habit that sticks and you’re an organism addict...

Officially sanctioned by Fox and all who sail in it, this is essentially Aliens 2.5. Sounds vital, huh Aliens fans? Meh, not so much.

The series’ antagonists are renowned as the baddest, meanest and pus-oozingly ickiest in all of alienistic creation. Sneaky, shadowy and decidedly more evil than an Austin Powers nemesis reunion. Here? Meh, not so much.

What we have is a first-person shooter that, whilst bulging with oodlesificent squeeeeeeeeees for super-fans, is dated and would be inconsequential if not for the Aliens licence sticky-taped on. As for its inhabitants, it’s almost as if the myriad trundle-trundle bored now aliens and AI-challenged marines are phoning in performances just for the shekels. Perhaps they’ll do a Michael Caine and buy a house from the proceeds?

The story mode, playable alone or in co-op, holds similar tighty-tight taut tension to a busted laccy band, but several multiplayer options – including the opportunity to step into the, umm, whatever the hell xenomorphs wear on their... uh, do they have tootsies? Look, you can play as them, OK?

Now, choose your own adventure...

1: Somebody who doesn’t know spitters from shitters and thinks Ripley was some bloke with a teev show about supernatural stuff? There are much better shooters.

2: Slavering Aliens fan of bottomless wallet? Bought every collectible statue and prop replica? Have all the myriad collectible DVD and Blu-ray sets? You may as well get this too.

3: Aliens aficionado who’s a smidge more discerning? After waiting so long you’re liable to be bummed, but with so much dedicated fan service going on curiosity’s understandable. Much like a mosquito flirting with a bug zapper before FIZZI-ZOT!

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