POSTED 3/11/14


BAYONETTA 2

SEGA/Nintendo

Once upon a time, SEGA teaming with Nintendo was as likely as Celine Dion getting her sing on with Iron Maiden.

But then the big N won their console conflict. Ever since, SEGA have supported their conquerors, but have also subverted from within their barricades. From The Conduit to the ultraviolent MadWorld – plus several really shitty Sonic outings - they sullied Nintendo’s squeaky-clean realm.

With Wii U exclusive Bayonetta 2, via Platinum Games, SEGA strikes the killer blow, dropping a potty-mouthed teen boy hand-crampy fantasy that’d even make big bad Bowser blush.

Butbutbut... despite rampant profanity, copious slow motion pans over drum-tight leather-clad boobs ‘n’ buttocks and sultry, suggestive lollipop licks, it’s rather glorious.

Keeping it vacuous momentarily, having hit the hairdressers, our heroine Bayonetta now resembles a cross between Supernanny, Liz Hurley and Tina Fey. But with acer fighting chops.

Packing enough firearms to reheat Chuck Heston’s cold, dead hands, and kicks that Jackie Chan couldn’t have emulated in his heyday (supernaturality helps), Ms B’s amply-equipped to face any angel and demon onslaughts that beset her. Initially you may think you’re facing a supercharged Dead or Alive meets God of War experience, but once the elongated intro – and innumerable cutscenes - play out things become more familiar, as over and underworlds open up for exploratory slinkage.

Ultimately, nailing combos is key – you can even practice while stuff loads. It’s a deep system that rewards those who venture beyond flailing wildly at any button with a marking. Speaking of controllers, touch control options are interesting but, if you haven’t already, grab a Pro Controller. Trust us.

Oh, diehard Nintendo and/or SEGA fans will be rewarded with numerous classic nods, too. But we’ve said too much...

Fabulous, fluid, frantic and – crucially - fun, Bayonetta 2 packs so much action it makes Michael Bay look like Merchant Ivory. Your heart will run to the hills, sweeties.

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