upon a time, SEGA teaming with Nintendo was as likely as Celine Dion
getting her sing on with Iron Maiden.
But then the big N won
their console conflict. Ever since, SEGA have supported their
conquerors, but have also subverted from within their barricades.
From The Conduit to the ultraviolent MadWorld –
plus several really shitty Sonic outings - they sullied Nintendo’s
With Wii U exclusive Bayonetta 2,
via Platinum Games, SEGA strikes the killer blow, dropping a
potty-mouthed teen boy hand-crampy fantasy that’d even make big bad
Butbutbut... despite rampant profanity,
copious slow motion pans over drum-tight leather-clad boobs ‘n’
buttocks and sultry, suggestive lollipop licks, it’s rather
Keeping it vacuous momentarily, having hit the
hairdressers, our heroine Bayonetta
now resembles a cross between Supernanny, Liz Hurley and Tina Fey.
But with acer fighting chops.
Packing enough firearms to
reheat Chuck Heston’s cold, dead hands, and kicks that Jackie Chan
couldn’t have emulated in his heyday (supernaturality helps), Ms B’s
amply-equipped to face any angel and demon onslaughts that beset
her. Initially you may think
you’re facing a supercharged
Dead or Alive meets
God of War
experience, but once the elongated intro – and innumerable cutscenes
- play out things become more familiar, as over and underworlds open
up for exploratory slinkage.
Ultimately, nailing combos is
key – you can even practice while stuff loads. It’s a deep system
that rewards those who venture beyond flailing wildly at any button
with a marking. Speaking of controllers, touch control options are
interesting but, if you haven’t already, grab a Pro Controller.
Oh, diehard Nintendo and/or SEGA fans will be
rewarded with numerous classic nods, too. But we’ve said too much...
Fabulous, fluid, frantic and – crucially - fun, Bayonetta
2 packs so much action it makes Michael Bay look like Merchant
Ivory. Your heart will run to the hills, sweeties.