POSTED 11/11/16


CARTOON NETWORK: BATTLE CRASHERS

Magic Pockets/Maximum Games

It’s the Regular Amazing Adventure World Universe of Steven, Gumball, Clarence, Uncle Grandpa Show Time!

Dagnabbit! Uncle Grandpa has fallen asleep at the wheel of the UG-RV, and done gone plummeting through multiple Cartoon Network dimensions, inadvertently kidnapping several of their most popular characters. If you couldn’t make sense of the intro, then that’s be the likes of Finn and Jake from Adventure Time, Mortdecai and Rigby from Regular Show, Gumball (The Amazing World of Gumball), Steven Universe from the show that bears his name, Uncle Grandpa (from the show that bears his name – is there an echo in here?), and Clarence (here... here.. here... here...)

For some reason this lets loose a bunch of shard creatures, who must be defeated to, umm, “set things right”.

Why don’t they get any of the shows’ writers to help with these games? They could likely fart out a better plot while simultaneously patting their heads and hoovering lines of coke off Walt Disney’s corpsicle as geishas tickle their feet.

Taking inspiration from the likes of Nintendo’s Smash Bros, then removing all of the coolness save for the grabbing several licences and banging them together bit, CNBC (ooh, financialistic!) initially sounds promising.

More or less a Final Fight clone for up to four players at once, it certainly looks the part. It looks lovely. Animations are great and, yes, it looks lovely.

But as beat ’em ups go it’s like so subpar. There was more challenge in Babysitting Mama – and more action. With limited maps, many of which you have to keep schlepping back to in order to unlock things, overlong levels and rather turgid boss fights, it’s indicative of not much time or love being expended on this release which, of course, kids will flock to.

This is SO not cool.

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