PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
want Cake right now. But that’d be lame and predictable...
Fuck it, we’re lame and predictable! RELUCTANTLY CROUCHED AT THE
STARTING LINE, ENGINES PUMPING AND THUMPING IN TIME. THE GREEN LIGHT
FLASHES, THE FLAGS GO UP. CHURNING AND BURNING, THEY YEARN FOR THE
Ah, that’s better, although now we want baked goods.
Why the waffle? Ooh! More baked goods! Umm, erm, well, F1 2012
isn’t overly different to F1 2011.
Much like real F1 – which this does a masterful job of approximating
the best you can for somebody with their arse wedged inches deep in
a couch - the tweaks here are mostly incremental. Mercifully you
don’t faff about with micrometres fine-tuning spoilers for the sake of
a .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 second advantage
like the real thing, but frankly F1
2011 was so bloody good that it’s hard to beat.
Still, pretty-wise things are, well, prettier – weather effects in
particular. You now start off with a fairly rudimentary ‘Young
Driver Test’, but it’s worth concenmatrating to score bonus stuff
for not sucking. The shiny new and wankily-named Circuit of the
Americas in Texas (we have trouble not saying that like DEVO in
‘Space Junk’) is here, as are this season’s drivers and cars (go
Renault! (Guess who recently bought a French car (bonus
There’s also a new ‘Champions mode’, where you take on big guns and
try to humiliate them with sheer aceness, as well as more manageable
(read they don’t take a zillion years to complete) season
Super-egalitarian, in that everybody from the most shitful to those
who should be strapped into a real carbon fibre housing on wheels
with a big mofo engine behind them are catered for, F1 2012
will definitely test the Vettel – erm, mettle - of any F1 wannabe
who’s prepared to go the distance.