POSTED 18/11/12


F1 RACE STARS

Codemasters
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

There’s something racing ’round inside my telly and it’s called a kart...

Visually, Roxette could have written ‘The Look’ about kartstravaganza F1 Race Stars, except they released that some 23 years ago. So unless there’s some serious time-travelling shit going down, that’s a dumb analogy. But the 11 worldwide tracks are really, really ridiculously good-looking, with some super Mario Kartational palette going on.

Sonically, but not hedgehogically, things rock too – with the added benefit of no Roxette.

But gameplay... ruh-roh! Cue that Family Feud noise that looks kinda like ‘Ba-BOW!’ when you try writing it down – or, in this case, typing it. The problem? No drifting or jumping ability. None. Not a sausage. Not even a snausage! Sure, you might argue that real F1 doesn’t have drifting, unless it’s in an out-of-control-oh-fuck-I’m-gonna-hit-a-wall-and-possibly-die kinda circumstance, making your vehicle jump is something the FIA gave a big bad Oprah ‘nuh-uh girlfriend’ gesture to yonks ago and yeah, like F1 drivers have big heads. We’d counter with a statement to the effect that real F1 also doesn’t have Truckasaurus smack-bang in the middle of the fucking track, let alone circuits that turn sideways in the frigging sky! As for those big heads, oops, we stuffed up there.

Perhaps it was licensing limitations, but it makes things boring. Who wants a cartoon racing game that plays simulatory, braking for corners? With scads of dragged-up Mario Kart weaponry hurtling about – plus irritating new stuff like personal thunderstorms - it’s even more blah, for the slower you go, the more flung weaponry you’ll cop from all and sundry (the new Indian driver).

There’s also little feeling of speed, even when cranked to 3,000cc level. This, and the nonexistent skiddability that we’ve already whined about, cripple F1 Race Stars. Hey Codies! Re-skin this as DiRT Race Stars and let the people embrace the skiddiness. Ken Block won’t have a problem with a big head, right?

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