POSTED 29/8/11


HOLE IN THE WALL

Microsoft
Xbox 360/XBLA/Kinect

You are Tetris! We’re guessing that was the beginning, middle and end of the pitch for the nutty TV show this nutty videogame is based on which, unsurprisingly, began life in Japan.

Still, by their standards it’s relatively sane. No dangling marshmallows, no raw meat, no implements of rubberised torture and no skewering of the nether regions (unless you’re completely unco). Instead, a simulated styrofoam wall trundles towards you with a shape cut out. You stand in front of your Kinect and imitate that shape so as to fit through the titular hole, otherwise you’re pushed backwards one spot. Fuck up three shapes and you’ll go sploosh into a rather slimy looking pool (slimy pool sold separately). Unless you play ‘Quick Survival’, in which case one flub and you glub.

Yep, the advantage here is that you don’t make a dick of yourself in front of a TV audience of millions... erm, hundreds of thousands... uh, hundreds? Well, however many people consider this worth tuning into on the teev, plus you don’t get slimy pooled for real (unless you’re a prick and install one) and there’s no Jules Lund (unless you’re a really turdulent prick and invite him over).

It’s all a bit sloppy – the interface and notably the recognition of peopleticular shapes. We assume it was only tested with midge... erm, dwar... umm, peeps of diminutive stature, as we’re a bit gigantic and didn’t match too many holes, although some slack’s given. Multiplayer – up to four suckers - can get confuddling, although down a few bevvies and it can be a cack.

Oh yeah, your avatar is smooshed into a skin-tight shiny unitard. It tends to make your onscreen representative look like one of the syllables in that garment’s name… BAM! Another home ground advantage.

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