METAL GEAR SOLID V: THE PHANTOM PAIN
Kojima Productions/ Konami
This ain’t rock ‘n’ roll. This is genocide!
We never thought
we’d find a parallel between Metal Gear creator Hideo
Kojima and Lena Girls Dunham. But obviously we have, or
otherwise we wouldn’t mention it. Their thing in common? They do
like seeing their name in credits.
But hey, Bowie acolyte
Kojima is pretty much a rock star himself, and if we were as talented as him
we’d probably dig seeing our name all over the place – especially if
we knew it would piss off gaming Grinch Konami.
Phantom Pain is the meat and potatoes that follows the
previously released hors d’oeuvre
Ground Zeroes. Oh, and speaking of horses, you get to ride
Tenuous links to amuse ourselves aside, The Phantom
Pain is stunning. Big Boss you awakens in a hospital bed only
to discover that you’ve been out to it for a while. Nine years out
to it, to be precise. As if you haven’t been through enough, your
room is soon infiltrated by dodgy forces, but thankfully you’re Jack
Bauer, damn it! This intro is a drag – literally, for you’re all
floppy limbed and can only crawl along, as you soon discover more
evil things are afoot, like a devilish fiery dude and a wraithlike,
gasmasked Molly Ringwald.
Survive this prologue and an
incredible revenge sortie into Afghanistan and beyond with your
newly formed Diamond Dogs opens up – a vast arena in which you can
follow the script, or perform side missions or just go bush. There’s
too much cool stuff to mention, but as always stealth is key, as is
a preference for non-lethal progression. Of course if you want to be
a complete arsehole you can blow the fuck out of all and sundry with
all manner of arsenalistic oomphiness – but you’ll likely pay for
So keep cool, Diamond Dogs rule, OK? Hey, hey, hey, hey, beware of
the Diamond Dogs...