Xbox 360/Kinect (also on
Are you pumped? WE SAID, ARE YOU PUMPED?! GRRRRR-ARRRRRRRRRRRRHHHH!
OOOMF! SPROIIIING-fizzizzle... Oops, we popped an artery or
something. Meh, plenty more where that came from.
Yep, if you’re the sort who wolfs down PowerSauce bars, thinks the
Abdominator’s for pussies and strives to keep that heart rate
hovering just smidgily below clog-popping levels, then this game’s
for you. No namby-pamby, crappy traditional sports, these are
E-X-T-R-E-M-E, like mountain biking, kayaking, wingsuit, climbing,
kite surfing and, erm, skiing again, and they’re all designed to get
your adrenaline pumping. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
You may now be thinking, or muttering if you prefer to conserve your
inner voice, “Yes, but I’m inside standing in front of a telly. How
‘E-X-T-R-E-M-E’ can things actually get?” How E-X-T-R-E-M-E? How
E-X-T-R-E-M-E?!?!?! Umm, well, you kinda play ‘I’m a little teapot’
and use your imagination heaps. Which, to be fair, we do with most
every game. It isn’t like Modern
Warfare actually plops you into Kabul, although we wish it
would with some of the douche-spuds who fuck it up online for
The original Motionsports,
with its mostly less full-on pursuits, suffered from shitty
controls. This adrenalized successor fares better, although you do
have to learn to play ahead by a split second to combat slight
lagginess, and the semaphore-meets-impersonating-an-airplane schtick
is samey across events.
Still, you get to visit the world’s E-X-T-R-E-M-E sights, such as
the Himalayas, the Amazon and the Great Barrier Reef, then clamber
roughshod all over them. Hey, you’re too fucking daredevilish to
care about wussy crap like the environment!
Local and online multiplayer adds some scope, as does unlocking
bonus stuff, but there’s not a whole lot of depth beyond working to
better your scores.
Right. Time to blast through the burn and ride the zone. Next stop?
The Murderhorn – YEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!