POSTED 9/4/11


RAYMAN 3D

Ubisoft
3DS

The foot bones are connected to the leg bones. The arm bones are connected to the body bones. The bonce bone’s connected to the body bones too… unless you’re Rayman, in which case you’re an utter fucking freak whereby your extremities just kinda hover where they should be without joiny bits existing at all.

We’ve already decried the lack of Marioness this new Nintendo hardware launch upon ‘reviewing’ Rabbids 3D, but fnuh, we’re gonna reiterate it here. Nintendo, WTF?! Luckily Ubisoft have picked up the slack, whereby the Rabbids have taken the 2D platforming reigns (irony noted), and the dude they usurped has grabbed the 3D ones.

Yep, Rayman 3D does the third-person run, jump, collect, shoot, shimmy and die thing as well as the original version of it did... umm, around 12 years ago. In gaming years that‘s about a century, so this is somewhat akin to taking in a Charlie Chaplin fillum. As such, weaknesses, especially camera-related ones, abound by today’s standards.

Sure it’s been plopped into 3Dness, so our freaky jointless (ta-ta Cheech & Chong’s friendship) pal has something 2011ish whilst bursting into the screen as is the 3DS’ wont, but otherwise issues like dodgy collision detection, frustrating repetition and graphics pointy enough to poke eyes out should you be so utterly moronic as to jam your head into the screen proliferate. Massive world or no.

There’s still OK 3D platforming to be had, don’t get us wrong, but it just has a pongy whiff of retro at a decidedly non-retro price. Still, Rayman 3D remains the best launch option for those craving such adventures, but that’s more a smack directed at Nintendo than super-glowy recommendation.

Rayman must despise those rabbids for stealing his limelight. Maybe it’s time for him to get himself connected?

CLICK THIS!



CLICK THIS!