Jonathan ‘Wossy’ Ross auditions to play The Addams Family’s
Lurch: “You Wang?”
Yes you are! Now if you think that’s just
a really shit joke that should die in a fire you’d be right. You
also won’t enjoy Shadow Warrior.
A remaster of a
classic FPS from a time when the pixels were blocky and the
protagonists weren’t nervous, in Shadow Warrior you ARE
Wang. Lo Wang. He’s sent on a quest by his boss to obtain a rare and
mystical sword by fair means or, if necessary, foul. He may have the
touch, he may have the power, but Wang finds the gig somewhat of a
challenge when assailed by all manner of well-armed hired goons.
Still, he does have Hoji. He’s a sort of demonic spirit guide
who seems to have absorbed a few too many Christian Slater movies.
He’s kind of helpful when not getting on your tits, for you’ll be
dealing with all manner of Shadow Realm inhabitants that are all
horny and deadly. When we say “dealing” we mean gunning guns and
slashing with your katana. After all, there’s nothing like having a
satisfying slash, right?
It’s all quite linear, save for the
odd off the beaten track secret to find. But there’s also a certain
comfiness in going trad and seeing OTT PCness hurled out the window.
We’re not talking nerd rock bands chucking computers from hotels,
While somewhat spit and polished, Shadow Warrior’s
roots still show, as while hardly an exercise in Duplo emulation,
it’s also not graphically 2014. Nor is gameplay, but if you miss big
dumb humour and those gamey Serious Duke Doominess times of the era
that also gave us everything from Britpop to the Spice Girls then
you’ll be in Nirvana.
After all, they kind of need a new