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POSTED 16/8/11


TOY SOLDIERS: COLD WAR

Microsoft
Xbox 360/XBLA

Step by step, heart to heart, left-right-left, we all fall down like, erm, something, something...

Confession time. All we know about GI Joe is that he had a mean kung-fu grip and funky fuzz on his cranium. The latter was learned upon setting him up with our Barbie. Hey, the chick dug a man in uniform!

In other words, asking our thoughts on a game thatís dripping little boy juice all over our lounge room probably isnít prudent. Basically, TS:CW dives back to the Yanks vs Russkies í80s, opens the toy box and lets loose with the army men and their tanks and their bombs and their bombs and their guns in your hea... erm, and nukes (!) and pretty much every toy of war that little boys were programmed to desire more than education.

Itís all moulded into a Rambo-fuelled tower defence thang. Youíve certain round bits of landscape wherein you can plop various anti-commie weapons and go completely stragety-shooty-wahey. Occasionally you get to reign down battery-powered hell with planes and other voltage-hungry implements of warmongering, at which time youíll hope youíve got the Eneloops happening as the experience can be fleeting.

Yep, weíve never understood the boys and war thing. So, theoretically if we were in charge weíd likely be digging on goulash or schnitzel or sushi or summat... Actually, we already do, so fuck your stereotypes. Still, we reckon if you make a game thatís all firepowertastic Ė especially one thatís basically a recreation of kidsí imaginations at play - there shouldnít be restrictions. Ooh, say like crazy reload times on anti-tank guns that mean those prick bastard redses overrun your toy box. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

TS:CW mixes arcade and strategy interestingly. Itíll delight some, and frustrate others. Much like our poor, broken-hearted Barbie when she discovered Joe had no dick.

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.