TRIALS OF THE BLOOD DRAGON
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn...
Except you canít turn. But weíll never turn down the feeblest
opportunity to quote our fave campy í80s flick, Better Off Dead
Ė and diehard acolytes of Trials may find that a state they
desire after playing this.
Not that itís the most woeful
thing since neon-hued legwarmers, but itís more Ghoulies
than Gremlins. But not in a cool, ironic way.
with the trippy neontastic glow of the ace Far Cry 3: Blood
Dragon, you variously control the offspring of its hero, Rex
Colt. Theyíre dicks, but hey, you only have to endure some 30 levels, and
thatíll only take around five hours if you dawdle.
Trials biking parts are cool, complete with added
grapply and shooty goodness. When your bike morphs into a multi-wheeled
escapee from Moon Patrol itís still cool. When you take the
helm of a wee remote controlled ĎTurbo Flipí itís still kinda cool.
When youíre plopped into one of many way-too-numerous
platforming levels, well, oh dear. Imagine
CounterSpy if it was one of
the worst games of the last few years instead of one of the best.
Seriously, this is the shittiest, floatiest and most imprecise
platforming that weíve encountered since Ė perhaps appropriately -
the 1980s. Blecch!
But thatís not even the worst. That
dubious honour is saved for jetpacks. Yes, normally these
strappy-back devices ooze aceness. But when theyíre as controllable
as Nicolas Cage when he goes off script...
Crazed scanline-infused interludes, complete
with Max Headroomy blipvert-styled interruptions, are
neat-o, and the bodaciously campy dialogue skates the borderline
between so-crap-itís-good and so-crap-itís-crap, but it regularly
made us cringe/laugh, so we call that a win.
Thereís fun to
be had in Trials of the Blood Dragon, but much hair-tearing
and rueing missed opportunities too.
Now, if it had raisins