POSTED 6/12/12


WARRIORS OROCHI 3 HYPER

Koei

If Joan of Arc had a heart, would she give it as a gift? Not if she’s the Maid of Orleans depicted here, she’d more likely rip it out with something pointy and stompity-stomp upon it.

After all, this is war. RARRRHHHHHHHHHHH! It’s so warry that the Dynasty Warriors and Samurai Warriors have put aside their differences, joined up with peeps from the likes of Dead or Alive, Ninja Gaiden and Bladestorm (Joanie’s usual haunt), convened over a bevvie and thought, “Shit, we’d better do something about that fucking massive hydra that’s kinda depleting us.” Yep, you know that adage ‘two heads are better than one’? Maybe so, but eight really, really burn if you’re on the receiving end.

So, historical accuracy’s been gleefully hurled through the window, kicked along the track a bit and then shot from a cannon way over yonder, all in favour of insane action. Seriously, how many fighting games do you get hacky/slashy 700+ hit combos in?

Your quest involves three upgradable fighters heading off to do the hydra tussle, and realising they’re pushing copious malodorous excrement uphill before some mystical fairy godmother chick pops by and sends them back in time (cheers Huey of Lewis) to recruit more help. Umm, we think. It’s a bit confuddling.

Further to that rather repetitive main campaign, this ‘Hyper’ WO3 adds some straight-out three-on-three fighting action in what’s appropriately called ‘duel’ mode. But what else is new and Wii Uey?

Well, there’s slowdown – and those gigantic hordes of hacky/slashy fodder regularly tend to flicker in and out of existence. Even the hydra has problems with temporal stability. Then there’s the GamePad, which only echoes what’s onscreen, unless you get into a two-player fling-thing.

Now listen to us good and listen well. There’s much massive mashy madness to repel... But the armour’s a smidge rusty.

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