WHITE KNIGHT CHRONICLES II
There just aren’t enough games based on chocolate bars. Where’s
Cherry Ripe-out? Twix Qix? KitKat Kombat... shit,
there’s not much to work with, is there? Oh well, at least we have
White Knight Chronicles. MMMmmm... chewy, pepperminty and
Huh? It’s not based on the scrummy choctastic minty-mouth explodey
chewgasm in a blue and white wrapper? Drat.
Yeah, we hear you, stop being stupid. Strange, we get that lots. Of
course White Knight Chronicles was one of those JRPG thingies
for the PS3. Not surprisingly, White Knight Chronicles II is
its successor. Those bunny tooth ‘II’ things are a dead giveaway.
There’s a reason we’re mucking around – and it isn’t just ’cos we’re douchiferous. We suck at role playing games. Always have. It’s not
for a lack of trying, but we just find ourselves impervious to being
absorbed. You don’t get some noodle jazz cat to review Lady Gaga’s
latest emission, or John Lydon to espouse the virtues of prog rock,
so you’re best not seeking our opinions on RPGs for they’re
guaranteed to be ill-informed. But hey, we’ll give it a bash anyway!
Right! Evil empire. Princess. Rescue. Knight. Transform into big
mofo ‘incorruptus’. Create characters. Customise them. Strategise.
Battle. Level-up. Dungeon crawl. Collect loot. Pimp your village.
Mostly pretty standard fare for such an adventure, but if you want
value for money then this is ‘kerching!’ city. For as well as this
second instalment, you also get the first one all remastered-like.
That’s 100 hours-plus of gaming. Mind you, many, many hours of that
will involve thumb-twiddling as cutscenes waffle on. Still, with natty
online abilities you can at least chat with quest-buddies.
Actually, that’s our problem – we’re just too fucking impatient. If
you’re the more tolerant, strategy-slavering, take-your-time type
then go nuts. Ooh! Snickers! Yum!