Ah! Greetings! I am the Count! Look! Videogames! I will count them
as they are reviewed...
Hey, this guy’s kinda creepy and ever-so lavenderistic, so
we’re gonna humour him, m’kay?
Number one in this colle... ONE! One videogame! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Umm – OK, alright, uh-huh, oh yeah. Things in this triumvirational
compendium of previously released stuff starts with Jump!,
which mercifully has zero association with Van Halen. It’s old
school platforminess, akin to what might result upon jabbity-plopping
a Bamix into a bowlful of Pitfall, Jumpman and
Manic Miner then letting rip. Almost trying too hard to ‘keep it
real,’ once your lives run out in any of the
find-the-bombs-and-dodge-the-baddies levels it’s right back to the
start. Your patience may be tested...
The second gam... TWO! Two videogames! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Speaking of being tested... Next comes Swap!, our personal
fave of the trinity. It takes inspirational snippets from most every
game that’s ever featured coloured blocks –
Tetris to Columns, Zoo
Keeper to Bejeweled,
Klax to Lumines -
and somehow does its own thing. It’s hardly hard – we almost beat it
first try - but it’s maddeningly addictive with the sliding and the
colour matching and the explosions and the na-hey.
Finally, we get to number thre... THREE! Three videogames! Ah!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Oh for fuck’s sake! Words we also hurled at Pixel!, an 8-bit
try-hard platformer that looks the part but plays a smidge wonkily.
It throws back to your Wonder Boy, Super Mario Bros
kinda vibe, but the catch is dropped. You are the weakest link.
A mixed bag, sure. But for around $2 per game, who’s whinging? One
(Ah! Ah! Ah!) fab game, one (Ah! Ah! Ah!) decent ace
game and one (Ah! Ah! Ah!) average one, plus trophies to omnomnomnom upon. Even if it only gives you a few hours of
entertainment it’s heaps better value than a pumpkin. You can Count