DANCE CENTRAL 3
boppers! We’re having a Dance
Central indie party! We’ve got ‘Girls and Boys’ by Blur
and... erm, nothing else. Nada. Zilcheroonie. Not a sausage. Not
even a sausage skin.
Yep, the pathetically myopic track selection of the last two
incarnations continues unchecked. Seriously Harmonix, sack the
hapless E-necking club bunny choosing this shit and get somebody
with a clue! There’s more to dancing than speedfreak-BPM DOOF thuds four
times every bar. Really.
Other than this bored-now tunnel visionistic perpetuation, some
decent new stuff’s been added to the experience. The most amusing –
but also the most frustrating, as you need reasonable coordination
to avoid constantly repeating-eating-eating songs - is a story
involving time travel. Some nefarious bastard is zotting through
time trying to kill the dance. You’re tasked with bopping back to
the ’70s and getting down from the Hustle onwards to save the moves.
Mind you, he does have the stupidfuckingprickbastardsucklord
‘Macarena’ in his sights, so he can’t be all bad. Eradicate that and
we’d nominate him for a Nobel Peace Prize. Well, if we knew how –
and he was real.
Elsewhere, there’s a welcome beginner mode, plus two minigames that
can also be thrown into party mixes, which actually ARE mixes now.
They also adjust to willing participants’ klutziness, and sets can
be twiddled via Microsoft’s appallingly-named SmartGlass.
Seemingly alone in exemption from the hypnosis-like pull of K-pop
overlord Psy’s horsey dance, we don’t care that ‘Gangnam Style’ is
to be available as DLC. The trillions who’ve inexplicably bought it
will though, and will likely buy it again as naturally it wasn't
included in the game when extra $s could be scammed. Like paying to
export songs from previous DC incarnations that you own...
DC3’s technically the best Kinect dance game, but the
Just Dance series pisses on
it from way up high for song variety.