review
What's it all about?Tweet, tweet, tweet...Contact!Comra... erm, friends!Australian release dates
                 
                 
     

POSTED 4/7/13


PINBALL HEROES: COMPLETE

Sony
Vita/PSN

Pinballís important to us. Obviously, however, Sony donít share our dedication.

Take eight of their IPs of varying significance, from Uncharted, Wipeout and MotorStorm down to PAIN, High Velocity Bowling and Fat Princess, then construct reasonably rudimentary pinnie tables around them. Let a silver sphere loose within them and youíve a recipe for boingy ball brilliance, right? Nuh-uh.

While the ambitiously titled (on three fronts) Pinball Heroes: Complete may score OK in ambition Ė there are a handful of intriguing ideas here - it fails completely in an even amoeba-level understanding of physics. Seriously, Isaac Newton would likely be so distracted by the abject shititude of whatís going on here that heíd chuck all his apples at the programmers and forget to ďdiscoverĒ gravity. But it has been discovered, and itís had its arse documented to the nth degree, despite Sonyís best attempts here to complete ignore any laws vaguely relating to it.

The last we checked, giant ball bearing-like shiny silver balls didnít float about like balloons that have ingested helium. At least not in real life. They do here though, and it renders the entire exercise pointless, as itís just not fun to play when immutably predictable things simply arenít immutable or predictable.

With the mere existence of the sublime Zen Pinball games, anybody with the balls (meant that, duh) to go up against them should at the very least study what our favourite Hungarians have accomplished and absorb a reality check. If they digest the amazingtude of those efforts and still think itís worth continuing with their own pinball project then all power, as something exciting must be in store for us all.

Sony obviously missed the memo, as despite all manner of online scoring and tournaments and shit, the game itself is shit, and shit is as shit does. Or something.

take me back to the start...

 



CLICK THIS!



CLICK THIS!



 

 

     
                 
                 
     
ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2014. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.