PINBALL HEROES: COMPLETE
Pinballís important to us. Obviously, however, Sony donít share our
Take eight of their IPs of varying significance,
MotorStorm down to
PAIN, High Velocity Bowling and Fat Princess,
then construct reasonably rudimentary pinnie tables around them. Let
a silver sphere loose within them and youíve a recipe for boingy
ball brilliance, right? Nuh-uh.
While the ambitiously titled
(on three fronts) Pinball Heroes: Complete may score OK in
ambition Ė there are a handful of intriguing ideas here - it fails
completely in an even amoeba-level understanding of physics.
Seriously, Isaac Newton would likely be so distracted by the abject
shititude of whatís going on here that heíd chuck all his apples at
the programmers and forget to ďdiscoverĒ gravity. But it has been
discovered, and itís had its arse documented to the nth degree,
despite Sonyís best attempts here to complete ignore any laws
vaguely relating to it.
The last we checked, giant ball
bearing-like shiny silver balls didnít float about like balloons
that have ingested helium. At least not in real life. They do here
though, and it renders the entire exercise pointless, as itís just
not fun to play when immutably predictable things simply arenít
immutable or predictable.
With the mere existence of the
sublime Zen Pinball
games, anybody with the balls (meant that, duh) to go up against
them should at the very least study what our favourite Hungarians
have accomplished and absorb a reality check. If they digest the
amazingtude of those efforts and still think itís worth continuing
with their own pinball project then all power, as something exciting
must be in store for us all.
Sony obviously missed the memo,
as despite all manner of online scoring and tournaments and shit,
the game itself is shit, and shit is as shit does. Or something.